Every writer will eventually face criticism.
Whether it’s a novel you’ve spent years writing or a YouTube video you published yesterday, the moment you put your work into the world, someone will have an opinion about it. Some criticism will be thoughtful. Some will be harsh. Some people will absolutely despise something you poured your heart into.
If you’ve ever struggled to handle criticism, you’re not alone. More importantly, it’s something you can learn to overcome.
You Can’t Please Everyone
Criticism from unwanted sources is part of the game when learning to write. Whether it be a book you’ve spent months or even years working on or a video you put out into the world, the second you publish something it can be criticized—and sometimes that criticism is public.
As a writer, not everything you create will be for every reader. Some people are going to absolutely despise what you love. Go read the one-star reviews of your favorite book and you’ll quickly realize that no story appeals to everyone.
Why Criticism Hurts So Much
This realization helps explain the hurt you feel when criticized.
That hurt is characteristic of a deep-seated threat response—a survival instinct. When your work is criticized, your body reacts before your mind by dumping adrenaline and cortisol into your bloodstream. These are the same hormones your body releases if you’re attacked by a bear.
Your body literally interprets criticism of your work as a personal attack. That response leads to all kinds of defense mechanisms, none of which help you become a better writer.
The writers who can sift through criticism and weigh each piece on its merits will be far more successful at improving.
Don’t Respond Immediately
Because your body is flooded with stress hormones, it becomes incredibly difficult to evaluate criticism objectively.
The best thing you can do is avoid responding immediately. Give it a day. Sleep on it.
Once the emotional sting has worn off, you’ll often discover that the harsh words aren’t quite as bad as they first seemed. You’ll also be in a much better position to decide whether the criticism actually has merit.
Why Writers Take Criticism Personally
I get it though. The impulse to defend your work like it’s a masterpiece is strong, and I think there are a few reasons for that.
First is the amount of time you’ve invested. Time is incredibly finite, and the older we get, the more obvious that becomes. Because of its finite nature, it’s difficult to hear criticism of something you’ve devoted so much time to—even when that criticism is well intentioned.
But time isn’t the only investment.
With the time and effort you put into your work comes the soul that you pour into it. Your characters become part of you as you merge your own experiences with theirs. Your world becomes an extension of what you think is interesting. Your prose becomes your voice.
When so much of yourself is woven into your writing, it’s no wonder your body views criticism as a personal attack.
Learning Discernment
So how do we fight our body’s natural response to criticism so we can actually grow?
Discernment is one of the most important skills a writer can develop.
Not all criticism is created equal. Some criticism isn’t criticism at all. It’s simply a battering ram wielded by people who wish they could do what you’ve done. That kind of criticism should remain in the ether, never to be thought of again.
Often it’s easy to recognize words meant purely to hurt. What’s much harder is recognizing when harsh words contain valid criticism.
Learning to distinguish between malice and useful feedback is the first step toward becoming a better writer.
Separate the Problem From the Solution
It’s undeniable that writers who can identify valid criticism—even when it’s delivered harshly—and implement changes will improve.
Imagine you’ve written a scene you absolutely love. The tension works. The character arc works. The objectives are exactly what you intended.
Then a reader tells you the scene left them feeling disconnected from your main character.
That’s valuable criticism.
It would still be valuable if they phrased it much more harshly by saying, “This scene sucked because your main character came across as flat and whiny.”
If they’re right, then you have an opportunity to improve your character.
When weighing criticism objectively, it’s also important to remember that readers are often excellent at identifying problems but aren’t always good at identifying solutions.
A reader may point to a scene and say it’s where they became bored. They’re probably right—they know exactly when they lost interest.
But they might suggest fixing it by adding a sword fight.
That solution may not actually solve the problem.
Perhaps your character lacks a clear goal. Maybe their motivations aren’t strong enough. Maybe the scene simply lacks tension.
Great writers learn to separate the problem from the proposed solution.
Your Feelings Aren’t the Measuring Stick
I’m not sure I can tell you exactly what your measuring stick for constructive criticism should be.
I can tell you what it shouldn’t be.
Whether or not criticism hurts your feelings should never be part of the equation.
Constructive criticism often hurts.
Just as often as malicious words are ignored because they’re obviously cruel, useful criticism is ignored simply because it stings.
That’s why objectivity matters so much.
Not Every Criticism Matters
Some criticism may even be technically true but still not worth acting on.
If someone criticizes your character’s name because they knew someone with that name in second grade whom they disliked, that criticism doesn’t improve your story.
If someone says your title has too many syllables, but can’t explain why that’s hurting the book, it probably isn’t worth your attention.
Good criticism is actionable. Everything else can usually be ignored.
Criticism Is Not Rejection
One of the biggest mistakes writers make is equating criticism with rejection.
It’s easy to feel like someone thinks you’re boring when they actually think your character is boring.
It’s easy to feel like someone is calling you unintelligent when they say your dialogue feels stilted and unnatural.
But these criticisms aren’t reflections of your intelligence, your character, or your worth as a person.
Writing is a skill, and skills can improve.
When readers criticize your work, they’re identifying weaknesses in the story—not weaknesses in you.
Separate Your Worth From Your Writing
Writers who consistently improve tend to share one important quality.
They divorce themselves from their work.
They understand that poor writing isn’t a reflection of who they are as a person. That’s difficult because of everything we’ve already discussed: your body’s threat response, the time you’ve invested, and the pieces of yourself you’ve poured into your story.
But being a good person has nothing to do with how well you write.
As a general rule, when people criticize your writing, they aren’t criticizing your worth.
Writers who separate their self-worth from the words they produce are in a much better position to evaluate criticism objectively, implement useful feedback, and continue improving.
And ultimately, that’s what makes them better writers.
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